The 2000 Presidential Electathon

Notes on the 2000 Presidential Election

Stop the Shecky presses. This 2000 Presidential electothon is out of control. What does this have to do with a column entitled "The Big Move?" Well, for those of you who have followed this ongoing journal, you will recall that I moved to Los Angeles from - warning, here comes the drum roll part - West Palm Beach, FL.

For this installment, I had planned on talking about my experiences taping the TV show Premium Blend on Comedy Central. I taped it the night before Election Day and it went well. And then the next day all hell broke loose. I haven't even been thinking about comedy or anything else since then. Like most of you, I'm guessing, I've done nothing but follow this election mess 18 hours a day. So I'll talk about Premium Blend the next time. By then things will be back to normal right?

Florida always has a way of working it's way into the spotlight. But this time, they've gone too far. West Palm Beach, my former adopted hometown, will never be the same. They are taking a world wide beating. I feel bad for the people who live there. There are protests going on two blocks from my former apartment. And the whole world's watching. I still can't believe it. People around the country are so judgmental but keep in mind, there but for the grace of God goes your county. People love to kick other people when they're down. It's such an ugly trait.

The media can't even get it straight what Palm Beach County is all about. Tom Brokaw, my favorite journalist, called Palm Beach County, "a wealthy enclave by the sea." That's not quite right. There is the town of Palm Beach, which is a wealthy enclave by the sea, but Palm Beach County is much more than that. It's twice the size of Rhode Island and has West Palm Beach, Lantana, Delray Beach, Riviera Beach, Pahokee, Lake Worth, Boca Raton and the list goes on and on. It definitely has its pockets of rich but it's a pretty economically diverse county. It's also very rural and trailer parky.

Now I know we're all sick of political opinions by now. It's a never-ending circle of argument and everybody is at each other's throats. But you have to admit it's also been a pretty interesting week.

I'm a Democrat and I voted for Gore. So I might be a little biased here but I have noticed a few things:

· I was just watching Karen Hughes, the Bush spokeswoman, and she started one of her comments with "I think any family watching this recount at home can see that it's not possible to be totally accurate when counting by hand." She had to cram the word family in there. They all do that. Republicans manipulate our emotions with the word "family" and Democrats manipulate our emotions with the word "children." Whenever I hear a politician use the word "family" I always picture the 1950's version of a family - sitting on the couch all wide eyed and wholesome. That's the image they're trying to convey.

· Now I'm watching C-Span. They just showed a post rally argument between a young Republican guy and a girl from the Green Party. The guy asked her if people from the Green Party ever shave or take a bath. And people wonder why Republicans somehow get stereotyped as elitist snobs. You should have seen this guy. He was shoving his Bush Cheney sign in her face. It was gross. And by the way, she was not a hippie looking girl at all. His slam on the Green Party wasn't even original. Of course. All this guy's brain could process was "Green Party, different ideas, stomp it." I was at the point where I was starting to see both sides. Not anymore. Go Gore. I hope Gore wins now just so that guy on C-Span has a miserable next four years. Yes, I've let my emotions get in the way. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be. I tried being rational and fair. It didn't work.

· Everybody is calling Gore a sore loser. He hasn't yet lost. Period.

· I have heard about twenty different Republicans talk about how Democrats are whining. Maybe they are. But aren't you just whining about our whining? Whining is whining. Period. And your main man, Rush Limbaugh has been doing nothing but whine for the last 8 years. That's all he does. He whines. That's it. That's the other reason I don't want Bush to win. I don't want Rush Limbaugh to be happy. I know my reasoning makes no sense but I can't stand that guy. Rush Limbaugh is pompous personified. And I know that it gives most of you a kick that he drives us crazy over here but don't you see that he is costing you votes? Just to summarize my point, Rush Limbaugh is the most highly paid whiner in the history of America.

· After the first count, Bush was up by 1700 votes. By law, they did a machine recount. Now Bush was only up by 300 votes. If you were Gore, wouldn't that raise a red flag and prompt you to ask for a count by hand? Why is that so hard to understand? How is that whiny?

· Now having said that, if I was Al Gore I would take the results after the first machine recount, wait for the absentee ballots to come in and let the chips fall where they may. It's not worth all this. Do you really want the job THAT bad?

· Republicans are trying to paint a picture that there are no idiots in their camp. And I'm not even buying the argument that someone is stupid because they voted incorrectly due to the so-called butterfly ballot. Haven't you ever been confused? Here comes another Republican slam on my part. Republicans are unable to imagine that maybe an older person got a little confused and made an assumption where they were supposed to push the pin on the punch card. In general, here is what I am saying. Republicans have never been too good at projecting themselves into someone elses shoes. Maybe that's why they get the label that they have no empathy. To anyone who is judging those elderly voters, good luck in your older years.

· There are busloads of stupid people on both sides of the political aisle. That's a fact. Both parties court the dumb vote. And both parties get the dumb vote.

· I feel bad for the lady that designed that ballot. Her intentions were good. She wanted the seniors to be able to read the larger print. It backfired big time and now she has the whole ugly, judgmental, unforgiving world in her face. She is the Bill Buckner of ballot design.

· People keep saying that they used a butterfly ballot up in Chicago. The Chicago butterfly ballot was nothing like the one used in Palm Beach County.

· Revote? What are you nuts?

· William Daley, the Democratic spokesman, had the gall to say "this is not about politics." He's not making my side look good.

· Six judges have "recused" themselves from the case because of conflict of interest. This whole thing could end up being decided in traffic court.

· NBC, ABC, CNN, CBS, FOX NEWS, C-SPAN are all over this amazing story. Then in the course of flicking around the dial you stumble upon the E! Channel and it's nothing but breasts and a drumbeat. My God. Shouldn't the E! Channel have to take itself off the air when there is something somewhat serious going on in the country? Shouldn't the truly dumb people be forced to watch the news for once in their lives?

· Everybody says Nixon did the right thing by not contesting alleged voter fraud in Illinois way back in 1960. They said he acted like a "statesman" (whatever that means) and conceded. First of all, I don't think Illinois would have put him over the top in the Electoral vote anyway and secondly, maybe he should have contested it. If he had ended up winning, we would have avoided the Kennedy Assassination and Watergate. He thought the people wouldn't be able to handle going through a contested election. Maybe they couldn't handle it back then but we obviously can now. This is fun.

close this window to return to the Tom Ryan writing page