Nature Is Brutal

Nature Is Brutal

When I was a kid I remember watching all those nature shows like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and thinking "well, this is interesting and everything but I have just one little question. Why does nature have to be so fuckin' brutal? What's with all the death and destruction and torture? Yeah, it's great and it's amazing. I understand all that. But it's also cruel and it's heartbreaking. I don't like it one little bit." And of course, my parents gave it that typical parental spin where they would say, "Oh, that's just nature. Isn't it beautiful?" No. It's not. I'm not buying it. And I'm not buying your explanation about the balance of nature either. Just because it's balanced doesn't make it right. They were just trying to make me feel better by claiming that it was beautiful. That was as far as the explanation ever went. It was beautiful. Okay, the trees and the flowers and the butterfly part of nature is beautiful but the rest of it is frightening. A rabbit in the jaws of a bobcat is not beautiful - especially when the rabbit is still alive. They would always say, "oh don't worry, he doesn't feel it." Really? Because it seems to me like he's feeling it. "Hey, get used to it. It's nature."

They sell these best of videos where it's nothing but footage of the predators hunting their prey. I guess we don't get enough daily reminders of the horrible behavior in our own species. Let's see how the animal kingdom handles its violent urges. This world would be a much nicer place if it was just humans and vegetables.

Every now and then I'll try to override nature and help out the underdog. A few years back I lived in Florida. I came into my kitchen one day and there was a beetle stuck on his back lying in the middle of the floor. If a beetle doesn't recover from this upside down position, he dies - a great way to go through life. I felt bad for the beetle so I scoop him up and I go over to my door and throw him out outside. He lands right in front of a lizard. The lizard flips its tongue and the beetle disappears. I could not have thrown it more perfectly in front of the lizard if I had tried. He didn't even have to move. I intervened and made things worse. And not only that, most likely the reason that the beetle was in my kitchen in the first place was that he was trying to hide from the lizard. I felt horrible.

I still watch all of those nature shows and I don't even know why. I always come away from the experience with less faith in the Universe than I had before I tuned in. I saw one recently where they profiled the Florida Red-bellied turtle. This turtle lives in the Everglades and instead of building her own nest in which to lay her eggs, she lays them in an alligator's nest. Not an easy task in and of itself given the speed of a turtle versus the killing machine that is the alligator. She lays her eggs in the alligator nest and then she abandons them. Good luck kids. Usually, the alligator has no idea that there are turtle eggs mixed in with her own eggs - until the moment that the turtle is born. The alligator must feel so betrayed. Who the hell laid turtle eggs in my nest? Why, I'll show them.

We always see those stories on the news where a cat will give birth to six little kittens and at the same time somewhere else in the neighborhood someone finds an abandoned newborn puppy. So they put the puppy in with the litter of kittens and the cat doesn't know the difference. She takes the puppy in as one of her own and the puppy doesn't know the difference either. He thinks the cat is his mother. And the news crew shows up and gets some great footage of the puppy nursing right along side all those cute little kittens and all of us feel so good inside. Isn't it great that these two different species get along so well? Isn't it just great? Well, such is not the case within the alligator community. The alligator knows the difference between an alligator and a turtle. As a result, to many a baby red-bellied turtle the meaning of life is pretty simple. You're born, you run, you live for thirty seconds, and then you're eaten by an angry alligator. Nice life.

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	Nature Is Brutal When I was a kid I remember watching all those nature shows like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and thinking "well, this is interesting and everything but I have just one little question. Why does nature have to be so fuckin' brutal? What's with all the death and destruction and torture? Yeah, it's great and it's amazing. I understand all that. But it's also cruel and it's heartbreaking. I don't like it one little bit." And of course, my parents gave it that typical parental spin where they would say, "Oh, that's just nature. Isn't it beautiful?" No. It's not. I'm not buying it. And I'm not buying your explanation about the balance of nature either. Just because it's balanced doesn't make it right. They were just trying to make me feel better by claiming that it was beautiful. That was as far as the explanation ever went. It was beautiful. Okay, the trees and the flowers and the butterfly part of nature is beautiful but the rest of it is frightening. A rabbit in the jaws of a bobcat is not beautiful - especially when the rabbit is still alive. They would always say, "oh don't worry, he doesn't feel it." Really? Because it seems to me like he's feeling it. "Hey, get used to it. It's nature." They sell these best of videos where it's nothing but footage of the predators hunting their prey. I guess we don't get enough daily reminders of the horrible behavior in our own species. Let's see how the animal kingdom handles its violent urges. This world would be a much nicer place if it was just humans and vegetables. Every now and then I'll try to override nature and help out the underdog. A few years back I lived in Florida. I came into my kitchen one day and there was a beetle stuck on his back lying in the middle of the floor. If a beetle doesn't recover from this upside down position, he dies - a great way to go through life. I felt bad for the beetle so I scoop him up and I go over to my door and throw him out outside. He lands right in front of a lizard. The lizard flips its tongue and the beetle disappears. I could not have thrown it more perfectly in front of the lizard if I had tried. He didn't even have to move. I intervened and made things worse. And not only that, most likely the reason that the beetle was in my kitchen in the first place was that he was trying to hide from the lizard. I felt horrible. I still watch all of those nature shows and I don't even know why. I always come away from the experience with less faith in the Universe than I had before I tuned in. I saw one recently where they profiled the Florida Red-bellied turtle. This turtle lives in the Everglades and instead of building her own nest in which to lay her eggs, she lays them in an alligator's nest. Not an easy task in and of itself given the speed of a turtle versus the killing machine that is the alligator. She lays her eggs in the alligator nest and then she abandons them. Good luck kids. Usually, the alligator has no idea that there are turtle eggs mixed in with her own eggs - until the moment that the turtle is born. The alligator must feel so betrayed. Who the hell laid turtle eggs in my nest? Why, I'll show them. We always see those stories on the news where a cat will give birth to six little kittens and at the same time somewhere else in the neighborhood someone finds an abandoned newborn puppy. So they put the puppy in with the litter of kittens and the cat doesn't know the difference. She takes the puppy in as one of her own and the puppy doesn't know the difference either. He thinks the cat is his mother. And the news crew shows up and gets some great footage of the puppy nursing right along side all those cute little kittens and all of us feel so good inside. Isn't it great that these two different species get along so well? Isn't it just great? Well, such is not the case within the alligator community. The alligator knows the difference between an alligator and a turtle. As a result, to many a baby red-bellied turtle the meaning of life is pretty simple. You're born, you run, you live for thirty seconds, and then you're eaten by an angry alligator. Nice life. close this window to return to the Tom Ryan writing page SHECKY! A magazine about standup... http://www.sheckymagazine.com ©Copyright 1999 Independent Together Brian McKim & Traci Skene Comics\Writers\Producers